cigarettes

It's 3am and I am sleepless.
I crawled out of bed
and stumbled into some clothes.
Throwing my hood up,
I grab my keys off the counter.
My car is cold,
there's a thin layer of frost framing the windshield.
I was driving.

3:05 and I am driving to the corner gas station,
To buy a pack of cigarettes.
I just sit in my car,
staring at them.
I don't even smoke.

I struggle with the packaging to open them.
The lighter in the car pops, making my jump a little.
I touch the glowing red spiral against the end of one.
and shut my eyes.

And in that moment, in my cold car, buzzing from the engine running.
I can smell you again, a fresh lit cigarette.
I use to hate the way you smelled, it was harsh and thick.
But these days this is all I have left,
A cigarette slowly burning at 3:15 in the morning.