To prove a point

She wrapped herself in the Jolly Roger as she had to dive overboard naked, damn the crew and their fear of the old superstitions. didn’t they know who she was? The cold water wrapped around her and she almost screamed from the sudden shock; it took her a few minutes to gather her bearings and find her way back to her ship, she then quickly gathered her hat from the water and smiled to her first mate as he helped her up from the sea

I broke today

I broke today.
I burst into thousands of splinters all over your floor.
My pieces were to small to pick up by hand,
And to sharp to touch without gloves.
You stared endlessly at the ground
Where my pieces began to move.
They wiggled and rolled and spun around.
They tried to make words,
But the words they were forming didn't make sense.
You looked puzzled and grabbed a broom
And just swept me away....

i think it's interesting.

I think it's interesting that after all this time we still missed each other. We still thought about each other.
I think its interesting how after months of not saying a word to each other or seeing each other, the first time we exchange glances, both of our hearts start racing.
I think it's interesting that the first time we hug it lasted for more than a minute and the first words you spoke were " God i've missed you."
I think it's that the first time we kissed after being apart for months was perfect, and tender, and passionate
I think it's interesting the way we text and talk to each other like we never missed a beat.
I think it's interesting we both want to give this another try.

And I'm happy because



God I've missed you.

Return

You tell me to move on but I wonder what if I don’t;
What if I hold on?
I could move mountains with these feelings.
Would you realize the amount I love you then?
Take it in your hands and be grateful you’d been given such an emotion.
Realize that maybe, over time you could return it?

i want and i will

I want to,
And I will learn to love, the way i learned to fear.
I want to,
And I will leave behind my young and troubled years.
I want to,
And I will love those i want to hate.
I want to,
And I will let myself fall free to fate.

I wanted to,
And I have planted seeds and watched them grow.
I wanted to,
And I have had broken hearts, i let them go.
I wanted to,
And I have learned to forgive and forget.
I wanted to,
And I have counted the blessings I have met

i didnt look back

So at the end of high school we were laying together in bed
 and i told her i loved her, but it was time she made a decision,
him or me.
she became stiff.
my eyes i followed her to the edge of the bed
where she sat in her cute purple panties for a while.
Silence.
she grabbed her bra and shirt and threw me mine.
Silence.
i pulled on my shirt, along with my jeans and boots.
i hugged her and kissed her rosy cheeks.
i grabbed her little face.
her pale skin was cold in my hands.
tears were building behind the eyes i had been staring into for the past 2 years.
she shook her head no. but no to what?
"I love you, but he will always be first....."
I let her face go silently.
i imagined her face falling and breaking like a mirror along with my heart.
i walked out of the bedroom and grabbed my jacket off the counter.
 i fidget with the lock on the door.
I could see her shadow in the dimmed doorway light as i opened the front door.
The cold wind choked me with my tears,
 i stopped a second, and i didn't look back.

when diamonds turn to ash

The deception is always more than what i know
and i forget how to breath it in.
Crying is always more energy than is worth


Your voice never echos in my mind
And i kissed you that night,
thinking it was just pretend
then you turned to me and said
"i wasnt kidding"

and i'm a scattered heart
I try playing for fun
but its not my nature.

I hear my phone start to ring,
and my heart, it skips a beat.
it's hardest for me to sleep
Alone.

and lately
I've been doin okay.
But even diamonds break
and i turn to ash.

piece of me

If i never do forget your face,
or every movement that you made,
will i die missing a piece of me?

If i can never love another man,
Or always think i won't or feel I can't,
am i still missing a piece of me?

If i delete these photos and let your go
or if i stop loving you head to toe
Am i missing a piece again?

When i cry that final tear,
and accept that this was my biggest fear
will i still be missing a piece of me?

Bubble bath

I have not taken a bubble bath in 269 days.
I have taken a shower.
I have gone swimming.
But I have not taken a bubble bath.
Why?
Because one of the last memories I have with you is taking a bubble bath together with candles lit in that shitty apartment we inhabited. It was a time when i still thought we had a fighting chance. I feel like if i take a bath, that memory will dissolve like the bubbles in the bath water.
But tonight i will take one, because i have let almost all of you go, and this is just another piece i am letting go.

I leave town tomorrow.

Your fingers danced across the small of my back and the edge of my shirt crawled up your arm. my warm, tan skin danced like there was electricity running under it. i turned to face you. my breath caught a little in my throat, and our faces became close. i could feel your breath on my neck and your hand creeping up my back. your finger tips were softer and cooling, i wondered if there was steam rising off of us. your other hand was on the side of my neck as you moved it to caress my jaw line, and then my pouty lower lip. the air was still and so were we. my hand reached out and flipped the light switch off, and the moonbeams came piercing though the blinds and washed over our silhouettes. my hands found there way to your back, where i could feel your shoulder blades and i brought them down to your hips and teased the waistband of your boxer briefs.
Shivers run through my body and i can feel myself tighten. i work your shirt off of you, as it falls to the floor by my feet, i kick out of my heels. i dropped 4 inches, putting my face in the center of your chest. i pulled you close to me so i could feel all of you against me, even through what was left of the clothing. i feel your hands move to my hips and push my skirt down as my back is pressed against the wall. i let a sharp breath out. i could make out your smile and slight laugh, before you buried your face in my neck. i fidgeted with your belt buckle in the little bit of space i had between us. After a few seconds of struggling, your pants dropped and the sound of your belt rang out. There was just a thin layer of cotton between us. you were hard, pressing against my pelvis, i felt throbbing between my legs.
i wrapped my hands around the back of your neck and head and tugged your hair, and felt your face pull away form my neck. I could feel the pulses wear you had bitten me, i looked forward to seeing the bruises in the morning. you grabbed me up like a rag doll and by my ass and slammed my back against the wall. the photos jumped. With the quick movement i caught a whiff of my favorite cologne you wear, it just made me wetter. For the first time all night i kissed you. it was long and passionate, i nipped your bottom lip a little and pulled, i let it go. You let out a heavy sigh and turned us to the bed. I fell on my back and you came down on top of me. our skins touch and the pressure of you on top of me was my last straw.
" i need it now..." the words came out so quite and broken between breaths, i wondered if i even really spoke them. They were the first words to break the silence since we entered the bedroom. I could see you smiling again, I felt your hand run down my stomach and run your fingers through my mess. i honestly was ready as soon as we entered the bedroom. I had played this moment over and over in my head. I felt a tight pressure,a push, and then a little give. you were in. my back arched and i moaned a little underneath you, my hand gripped your back. Your elbows were above my shoulders and your hands wrapped in my hair. I could feel your hip bones stabbing into my thighs with each thrust. a hand wandered to my hip as you held it down, to hold me in place as you repeatedly pounded into me.
it was a hard, fast rhythm with slow strokes thrown in, i don't know if the sound of our bodies slamming into one another or you slightly moaning on top of me was more arousing, but the pressure was building and i could feel myself getting tighter and tighter. you quickened pace and i knew what was coming. Your breathing got shallow and your moans became almost whimpers, i felt it too, i started twitching and started grabbing at your back and hair, like i was trying to hold on in an anti-gravity room. I bit into your shoulder to muffle my sounds, i felt you jerk hard and i got hot cold chills that zoomed all over me, into every crevice. the release was strong and my insides grew warm. There were a couple more thrust and then you collapsed next to me. The was heavy breathing and crazy heart beats that filled the air. we lay there for a minute with ears ringing and eyes getting back into focus.
you wrapped your arm around me and cuddled me. there was a simultaneous sigh.
"i leave town tomorrow" you traced a raised bite on my shoulder. it was a mixture of being disappointed, but being honest. i pulled a sheet over us and put an arm around your chest and snuggled my face into it.
"i know"

I grow tired of you

that is something i will never get use to hearing. Almost every man i have been with has said something to that effect. I understand that i am a lot, and now and days i give fair warning to every man that shows interest. but even then sometimes the warning is not enough. and no mater how many times i hear it, or how many times i see it coming, it always stings just the same. that moment they say, i grow tired of you, its like a knife the cut into the inside of you and pulls out the pieces that make you you. It makes me feel like there is really something wrong with me.
Should i change?
Should i make myself something other than what i truly am?
or do i wait?
wait for the man that can handle me and love me for all of it?

the art of breathing in water

i'm struggling to keep me head above the water. maybe it'd be nice to sink again.i am going under. i am taking on water quick. i'm on the surface sloshing around and flailing around. i will be calm and accept that this is whats happening. I will go back to me old ways. i will be a ball of self destruction. i will put my head under water and breath easy for a while, but breathing will get harder, even i know that. but when i finally sink i'll lay on the bottom of the ocean for a while. maybe someone will reach out and pull me ashore. but its gonna be alot of work i've been going under for a while. there is so much water in my lungs

from a time when i was in love:

I watched the gold flecks in your eyes dance in circles around your pupils. I felt your legs shift beneath the covers and goose bumps race across your skin. I cant help wondering if things will always be this way. My true love, this time i know its real. My heart, mind, and soul all agree with each other. I felt your hand on the small of my back and i burry my face in your chest. Your skin's so cool against my face. Your arms support me, and i feel like the weight of the world could not tear me away. I love you from a deeper place. I hope we remember every moment we have together. I hope that we always stay this way

Then i am insane

As long as I can remember, I have been in love with love. I distinctly remember falling in love at 14. But even before then I was in love with movie characters, or book characters. I am a harsh woman. I can be quite a handful. I am difficult and stubborn and pig-headed. But underneath it all I am a romantic, a hopeless romantic. in the dictionary the definition of a hopeless romantic is: A hopeless romantic is one who never gives up hope for romance despite frequent heartbreak.
I'm no stranger to the word heartbreak. I have been jaded, but it is never enough to keep me away. I really wish it was. Insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly hoping for a different outcome. Well, then I am very very insane.But then again, I've been told most of the best people are.