choose

I'm not the best choice
nor am I probably the right choice
but,
I hope you'll choose me.

cigarettes

It's 3am and I am sleepless.
I crawled out of bed
and stumbled into some clothes.
Throwing my hood up,
I grab my keys off the counter.
My car is cold,
there's a thin layer of frost framing the windshield.
I was driving.

3:05 and I am driving to the corner gas station,
To buy a pack of cigarettes.
I just sit in my car,
staring at them.
I don't even smoke.

I struggle with the packaging to open them.
The lighter in the car pops, making my jump a little.
I touch the glowing red spiral against the end of one.
and shut my eyes.

And in that moment, in my cold car, buzzing from the engine running.
I can smell you again, a fresh lit cigarette.
I use to hate the way you smelled, it was harsh and thick.
But these days this is all I have left,
A cigarette slowly burning at 3:15 in the morning.

Late Library Books

Today was very hard.
Having to confront feelings that have been left unsaid.
I thought saying it would make me feel better, but it didn't.
The feelings were not returned.
I sit here hoping maybe they are a late library book
Maybe in time they will be returned.
sure there maybe a slight fine on it
but the point is they are making it back to where they came from.

But what if the overdue book is returned to a different library?
It's one of my favorite books and I want it back on my shelves.
This is so hard, there are plenty of books I could keep on my shelves
But only one I know by heart.
The one with the dog eared pages, and broken binding.
Coffee stains on the cover and high lighted words.
I will wait and hope the book is returned
and when it is I'm never letting it get check out again.  

The little things I want

I love you and you don't even know it yet. But that is okay with me, you don't have too. I don't put much faith in love these days, but I do hold out hope. Things grow in time and I love that.  I want those movie moments. The quite smiles and awkward laughs. The small secret kisses when everything is so new. I wonder if you ever think about things like that. I wonder where you are or what you are doing right now. We aren't even aware of what this will become but I am already falling in love with our life together. I see things in magazines like a nice bed with a heart made of all these different photo frames and I think of us. Having that above our bed filled with our family and friends. How nice it would be to have those memories of life and the love that will be built. I'm a sap and I have high hopes, but I won't get in to deep. While I can see this taking off and being something amazing I will wait. I will wait for things to fall together. I will be waiting for you the sweep me off my feet and say something amazing to me. And when we find it, it's okay to be scared, but lets be sacred together. There is so much to do, and there is so much fun to be had, and so many memories to make. Please don't let that day be to far off, I know love you already.

I like your shoes

You called me a tease
so I called you a flirt
and maybe you were imagining me in bed
but I was imagining you with a twirly mustache
and that night for the first time I forgot why I hated my body
and started thinking about yours
and later
when I said I liked your shoes
I meant"stay"
saying I liked your shoes was pretty
unnecessary anyways
because everything you say or do
leaves me awestruck
including wearing shoes.